I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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