Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so explain again why im purple
no
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
