Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
