So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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