you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
