____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize