WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
