from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
