I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
