There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
