i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i think i have herpe
just one?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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