dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
