I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
