there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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