I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this will be a night to untag.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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