You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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