woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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