every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
