Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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