My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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