My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
