My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
