umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I need water and some morals
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
