If i come over, it means nothing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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