I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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