Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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