I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
