hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My dick has a subreddit
God, I missed his penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
