he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
