I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
