??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
