we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
