My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
