If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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