He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
