I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
