I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
