is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
