Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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