____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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