I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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