News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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