I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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