I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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