Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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