It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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