It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
