You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
