I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize