I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize