the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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