oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
