I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think i have two assholes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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