he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
