Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
someone owes me an orgasm
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize