1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
