WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
