is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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