I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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