so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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