I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
