You can't motorboat a personality
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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