Christians are straight up FREAKS
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize