Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize