Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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