today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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