Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
